Is there a thing you say to yourself when you’re feeling out of balance and stressed? Last year, I found myself saying one phrase more than I cared to admit: “I can’t handle this.” And it became my anthem whenever life got too full for me.
I felt like I was at capacity and there was no mental wiggle room left. A close friend had asked me to bring an appetizer to a party and I just couldn’t find the bandwidth to do it. Have you been there? So “I can’t handle this” became my mantra for everything, along with shortness of breath and impatience.
Meditation had been at the back of my mind for awhile but I didn’t know how I was going to find my way back there. I used to meditate in my single days, long before kids and before life got busier. One day I skipped it and soon, not meditating became my habit for the next 20 years.
But those negative thoughts kept coming. I remembered I had heard about a meditation class on Friday nights that was only a five-minute drive from my house.
I knew what I had to do. I went to that class, sat down on a cushion in a dimly lit room with just three other people. Amazingly, I sat for an hour and a half.
The class was led by a monk. She showed me how to sit on the zafu (which has totally upped my meditation game) and that was it. The class consisted of following our breath, some chanting, some walking meditation, and my favorite part, the loving-kindness meditation: “May you be safe, be happy, be healthy, be at ease and at peace.”
The most beautiful words I have ever heard.
When I’ve read about the habits of very successful people, meditation is always in the top five things they do to cultivate a happy life. By committing to a regular practice, whether it be 10 minutes, 15 or even just two minutes, I have rebuilt my reserves, my patience and my ability to stay in the present moment.
Rediscovering meditation was a turning point for me in finding another way to be and show up for myself, my family and my work.
I hear people say that they aren’t good at meditation, but it’s not really something you’re good or not good at. Thoughts will always be coming and going. You will most certainly think of strange things--what you ate for dinner, did you turn off the oven, or a childhood friend from long ago. The point is to bring yourself back to the present moment. As well-known loving-kindness teacher Sharon Salzberg says, the moment our mind wanders is the best moment because it allows us to begin again with just one breath.
Also I find that I am kindest to myself while I’m meditating. That’s one of the best benefits I can think of.